


Matchstick

by a_case_for_wonder



Series: Mighty Nein After Midnight [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Missing Scene, just another quiet chat after dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_case_for_wonder/pseuds/a_case_for_wonder
Summary: ‘...looked super conflicted. Like she was having a crying sesh.’What a pair, the two of them. He wonders if he will have to kill her, before all of this is over. He’s glad they had one last dance.  Caleb runs a finger over the spines of his new books where they are tucked close to his body, and huffs a single, bitter sound.“Caleb?”
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast
Series: Mighty Nein After Midnight [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173500
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	Matchstick

**Author's Note:**

> Another soft after dark M9 scene, this time with Caleb and Jester. CW for general references to Caleb's backstory, but nothing too explicit here.

Long after the rest of the Nein, even Fjord, have dropped off to sleep in their dismal quarters, Caleb stays up. He watches Caliana’s wand, and wishes he had Frumpkin. Ordinary wishes, though. Not magic ones. Frumpkin has more important duties tonight, even if they require Caleb to sit in this hard-packed hayloft, cold enough as the night winds on that he curls up where he sits, winter coat pulled snug around his folded knees. 

_‘...looked super conflicted. Like she was having a crying sesh.’_ What a pair, the two of them. He wonders if he will have to kill her, before all of this is over. He’s glad they had one last dance. Caleb runs a finger over the spines of his new books where they are tucked close to his body, and huffs a single, bitter sound.

“Caleb?” Violet eyes peer at him from across the dark space. 

Caleb considers not answering. But he’s helpless to her, to all of them. “Jester.” 

She squirms out from the sleep-heavy weight of Fjord’s arm and crosses the small loft to sit beside him. They watch the wand together for a while. 

“Do you think they’re _boning?_ ” she whispers. 

Caleb almost laughs. “Maybe,” he says. “I am trying not to think about it. But I believe Beauregard said she wanted to...take things slow, ja?” 

“Mm,” Jester says sagely. “They don’t have to like, confess their undying love for each other to bone, though.” 

“That is true,” Caleb admits. Though he’s not sure his friends in the tower would agree, in this instance. 

“Hey. Caleb?” 

“Ja. Jester.” The tone of her voice tells him something is coming. 

It isn’t what he expects. “I’m sorry we pushed you. About Astrid and Trent.”

He waits. He has no idea what to say, so he waits. She picks up the slack. She’s good at that, with him.

“It’s...it’s okay if you don’t want to kill him. Even if he really, really deserves it.” 

Caleb has _dreamed_ about killing Trent Ikithon. He’s had euphoric nightmares about his teenage self ripping those crystal shards from his own arms and using them to slit his teacher’s throat from ear to ear, but it’s not- it’s a power fantasy, he knows. Even after everything, he isn’t sure he would ever be prepared for the reality of Trent’s blood on his hands. 

“It would be enough for him to rot somewhere,” Caleb says quietly. “as long as he holds no power. But it will not be like killing Vokodo, or even Obann. Men and monsters... Trent is just one tumor in a whole cancerous system. If we walk into the Candles and slaughter him, all that happens is we brighten the target on our own backs. A new tumor grows in his place.” One with a familiar voice, and a scar down her cheek.

“We have grown into quite the team of hammers. But I’m not sure, ah, this problem is nail-shaped.” 

“I _guess,_ ” she sighs, leaning against him. “We just want what’s best for you, you know? And I know we pushed too hard tonight, but it was also kind of good to hear you-” she falters, rubbing the jut of one horn against his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you be angry about him, like that. Not just about what he did to the Empire, right? About what he did to you.” 

“...Ja, you are right.” 

It’s not that the rage is new. But anger is...anger is hard. Self-loathing is so much easier to sit with, in some ways. Hating himself was like floating in a lightless pool. There was no joy there, he might have drowned someday, but it had held him up. When Caleb allows himself to consider, actually feel, what was done to him-

_He ruined my life, and I fucking helped._ His own words clang in his brain, like the death-knell of one of Jester’s spells. Anger is like his own magic burning him alive. If he stays in it too long, he will be nothing but ash. He will tear himself to pieces trying to put the flames out. And the Nein will burn with him. That is the one thing that is utterly unacceptable. 

“I have come to...” inside his coat, Caleb’s hands turn the amulet still about his neck around and around. “My heart. Is in many pieces, these days. My heart is with the Nein. So I cannot- Let’s save the world, okay? If we survive that, then maybe we can focus on saving my home.”

Jester reaches out an arm, and rests her hand over his, still clenched around the amulet, the fabric of his coat between them. It has been a long time, since Caleb was held like this. It hurts in its own way. He leans his head gently onto hers, and lets it. 

“Okay, Caleb,” she says. 

They sit like that in the dark so long he is sure she must have fallen back asleep. 

“They’re _totally_ boning. Do you think Frumpkin will give me all the gossip?” 

In it’s own way, it doesn’t hurt at all. “Maybe. He is a very noble cat, though. You can ask him in the morning.” 

In the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll get Veth and Yasha into one of these scenes someday. It's now officially a series, because this is the only kind of M9 fic I seem to write, lol. Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ a-case-for-wonder


End file.
